Self-Talk Matters

What is internal sentencing? It is the stuff we say to ourselves. It is what we say to ourselves before an important meeting to hype us up and build our confidence. And it is also those scenarios we replay in our minds at 3:00 a.m. You know, what I will say to that guy at work the next time he makes fun of my dress, or what I will say to my ex-boyfriend the next time I run into him at the grocery store.

Some internal sentencing can be productive; others can be a waste of time and cause negative feelings and behaviors.

The main character in my upcoming novel, Under the Roof, is Aggie Drakos. Aggie loses her husband in a scandalous car accident and relocates to a new house in a new town in an attempt to begin a new life. Aggie is quite a character. Pun intended. As the book opens, Aggie is a bit bitter and cynical, as she is still recovering emotionally from the loss of her husband. I use a lot of self-talk with Aggie to help the reader get into her head. My beta readers have shared that some of Aggie’s self-talk can be quite entertaining.

Is your self-talk entertaining? If you had to describe the words that you said to yourself today, what word would you use to describe them? Was your internal sentencing cynical, destructive, or was it uplifting? Or, as I like to say, is your internal sentencing stinky thinking or an encouraging encounter?  Self-talk matters.

Let’s go back to Aggie and look at her internal sentencing. When Aggie loses her husband in a scandal and the neighbors are all gossiping and spreading rumors behind her back, she could choose two types of internal sentencing.

Scenario Number One: Stinky Thinking. Aggie could say to herself: This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I am never going to recover from this. I’m going to be scorned by my neighbors forever. I will have to hang my head down and be a loner for the rest of my life. Things will never get better. I will never be happy again.

Scenario Number Two: Encouraging Encounter. Aggie could say to herself: What has happened to me is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. However, I’m going to pick myself up, brush myself off, and I’m going to find a way to move forward. I’m going to heal from this. It may take time, but I will and find happiness again.

If Aggie continues her internal sentencing as noted in Scenario Number One, what do you think her resulting behavior will be? 

Likewise, If Aggie continues her internal sentencing as noted in Scenario Number Two, what do you think her resulting behavior will be? 

Negative internal sentencing leads to negative behaviors and attitudes.

Positive internal sentencing leads to positive behaviors and attitudes.

Again, self-talk matters.

We need to take the time to examine our thoughts and beliefs, identify the negative patterns that are holding us back, and start to challenge and reframe them.

I wrote on this subject in last week’s blog, What Are You Thinking, where I reviewed how to identify negative thought patterns and turn them into positive thoughts.

If you missed it, click here to navigate to last week’s blog.

Finally, it is important to remember that overcoming our negative internal sentencing is a journey, not a destination. It takes time and effort to begin thinking positively and seeing the results of that positive thinking in constructive behaviors.

This process can be difficult and uncomfortable, but it is necessary if we want to overcome our stinky thinking and live a more fulfilling life.

Okay, that’s enough deep thoughts and self-help. It’s time to mix it up. Next week’s blog will be uplifting and joyful. It will be an encouraging encounter.

I’ll meet you here next Monday.