Growing Through Suffering - Part Three

Can we see pain and suffering coming and choose to change its course? Let’s learn how today.

As a quick review of our prior two weeks, pain is when something happens to you. For instance, when someone dies or if you touch a hot stove. Pain is the stimulus for your body or brain to make a change. Pain forces you to take action.  

 Suffering is what you put yourself through. Applied Suffering is actively putting yourself in positions where pain, suffering, or hardship is intentionally used and can potentially be used as a means to grow, build resilience, or develop a deeper understanding of yourself.

Today we are talking about identifying our bad attitudes or behaviors before they occur, and cutting them off. Our goal is to accept pain and release applied suffering. 

 So how can I be proactive and see the pain coming rather than just waiting on pain to happen?

 We want to acknowledge and learn how and where to step in to stop the rest of the dominos from falling over.

 Last week we learned how to molt like a lobster. Today we are going to learn how to prune ourselves.

 Deadheading plants. The term “deadheading” refers to the act of removing flowers from a plant. In most instances, these are blooms that have started to age and are no longer considered attractive. Do you see the parallel already?

 On occasion, gardeners may also find it necessary to remove flowers or buds that have been damaged. Though some plants need only be deadheaded to keep a neat and tidy appearance, others will find that the process is an essential part of their overall health and vitality.

 So what I am alluding to here is that we may find it necessary to use applied suffering to remove actions or behaviors from ourselves that are no longer considered attractive. And, when we choose to do this, our overall health and vitality are improved.

 What are some of the benefits of deadheading plants?  Deadheading makes plants look less messy and tired. Okay, I could use that.

 As flowers shed their petals and begin to form seed heads, energy is focused on the development of the seeds, rather than the flowers. Regular deadheading, however, channels the energy into the flowers. This results in healthier plants, more flowers, and an extended growing season.

 When we prune ourselves from bad attitudes and behaviors, we become healthier, bear more good behaviors, and experience an extended growing season.

 We need to begin to find attitudes or behaviors that need to be deadheaded. We need to look for negative patterns and cut them off.

 For instance, the holidays are coming. Let’s say that every time I go to my Uncle’s house for Thanksgiving, my self-centered Aunt makes me angry. She always talks down to me and I get upset. I recognize this pattern of pain, so now I can do something about it.

 My Aunt’s unkind words are the pain. Choosing Applied Suffering means that I am willing to suffer to improve the situation. I have accepted and recognized that my Aunt makes me angry. Now, how can I cut that anger off and produce flowers? My plan is to treat my Aunt with kindness, show no signs of anger or frustration, and even compliment her. In other words, I’m going to kill her with kindness. And, when I leave the house later that day, I may even feel better myself.

 I accept that I get angry. I’m going to take all those years of anger and I’m going to prune them, throw them in the trash, and start over by channeling energy into good thoughts and actions. I am in control.

 And remember, get into the habit of deadheading early and often. If you spend at least a short time in the garden each day, your deadheading task will be much easier.

 Please note: During October, I am in the process of working with my editor on the final edits to my novel, Under the Roof. Therefore, I may only be sending out a bi-weekly Newsletter/blog. Thank you for your patience as I prepared for my book’s launch in November.

 Happy Gardening.

 I’ll see you soon and we’ll talk about leaving our comfort zone.