Growing Through Suffering, Part Two

Lobsters molt to grow, and this process typically occurs three times before they move on to the next stage of their life. 

Let’s take a moment and read that sentence again: Lobsters molt to grow, and this process typically occurs three times before they move on to the next stage of their life. 

In other words, lobsters have a period of suffering before they move on to their next stage of life.

During the molting process, lobsters shed their old exoskeleton to make room for new growth.

Lobsters carefully extract themselves from their old shell, leaving behind a soft and vulnerable body that quickly hardens into a new, larger shell. This intricate process allows lobsters to adapt to their changing environment and continue to thrive in their underwater habitats. 

What if we chose to molt when we experience a challenging situation? What if we extract ourselves, emotionally or physically, take time to adapt to our changing environment, and choose to suffer, grow, and thrive?  

Here’s an example: Suppose I just discovered that my long-time friend was talking about me behind my back. I am hurt, and even a little angry. I am experiencing emotional pain. As defined last week, suffering is how we perceive that pain. We can now choose how we are going to deal with that pain.

What if I choose to suffer by extracting myself, taking time to adapt, and choosing to grow? In other words, I could take some time to calm my emotions and process the situation logically. I could then step out of my comfort zone and approach that friend in a peaceful and well-spoken manner. I could address her about the words that she may or may not have said. We could have an honest and mature conversation, allowing both of us to grow.

Choosing positive suffering would mean that I don’t go to others in our circle of friends and share what happened. It would mean that I don’t just call my friend and blow off some steam. I take the time necessary to make a thoughtful and wise decision about the future of that friendship and learn and grow through the situation.

What I just described is Applied Suffering: experiencing pain to grow – actively putting yourself in positions where pain, suffering, or hardship is intentionally used and can potentially be used as a means to grow, build resilience, or develop a deeper understanding of yourself.

In other words, by using applied suffering in this case, I would learn self-control and behave in a mature, well-planned manner.  

Sometimes applied suffering means putting ourselves into situations that make us feel uncomfortable. Other forms of applied suffering could be: going to an interview, getting nervous, starting a new job, giving up a hobby to spend more time with our family, going to a gym for the first time, or seeking a support group to aid us in our growth process.

A necessary evil of a book launch is a television appearance. I appeared on television to promote my first book and was very nervous. The interview itself went well, but it was not a pleasant experience for me. Do I want to do this with my upcoming book? No. I don’t want to do it again…but I will. I will choose to be uncomfortable and hope that, in the end, I grow through the process and become more comfortable appearing before people.

That was a lot to take in. Feel free to reread this blog several times to fully grasp the process of Applied Suffering. And, the next time you have a difficult situation in your life, will you choose Applied Suffering? Will you take a step back, assess the situation, and grow through that situation? Are you going to molt and get a bigger, better shell and move onto a new stage in your life? I hope so. This world needs a little more molting.