Comparing Ourselves to Others - Part 1 of 2

In our last blog, we discussed how to walk in confidence. The first step to walking in confidence is to embrace your unique style, believe in your talents, and, here it comes… don’t compare yourself to others. In other words, I don’t care what Jennifer, Mary, Susie, or any Tom, Dick or Harry are doing…I am going to be the best version of me that I can be.

Hey, I get to work on time, so I am better than they are. I go to the gym three nights a week and they just sit on the couch. Oh here’s a good one, I go to the gym three nights a week and they go five nights a week and I still look better than they do. I go to church every Sunday and they take off on some Sundays to go to their kids’ soccer games, I think I am more dedicated. They have a bigger house than we do but they don’t take care of it. He has a better job than I do, but he’s not happy. 

Comparison Creates Competition.

There are two basic ways we compare ourselves to others: 

Number 1:  When we compare ourselves to someone worse than we are, we are trying to either justify ourselves or prove ourselves better than the other person. Every time we compare ourselves to someone worse than we are, it’s like saying: I’m better than this person because I do this, because I look like this, or because I have this. 

For instance, I teach people how to get healthy and lean.  In fact, I published a book on how to get healthy and lean. One of the things I see happening in a community of overweight people is comparing themselves to someone heavier or more unhealthy than they are.  A person may say, “Look, that person is heavier than I am.” “That person can’t walk two blocks, I am overweight, but I can still walk two blocks.” Or, “That person is Diabetic, I’m not diabetic.”

What does this accomplish? As I stated before, it’s like saying: I’m better than they are; or it justifies our behavior, even though our behavior still may not be advantageous to us. 

It stunts our growth! We can’t get better as long as we think we are okay the way we are. And this is what comparing ourselves to others accomplishes. As long as we think others are worse, and we are better, we don’t get real with ourselves and simply say: I need to improve.

So the first type of comparison says: they are worse than I am, so I’m okay. What is the second type of comparison? 

The second type of comparison is when we compare ourselves to someone better than we are.  When we do this, we either try to pull them down a notch or two to make us feel better about ourselves, which actually creates competition; or we look up to them so much that we begin to look down on ourselves.   

Examples of trying to pull them down: “Well, they may have a great body, but I’m sure they aren’t healthy.” “Well, I think they are too skinny.”  “They may have a new car, but they probably have a high car payment.”  Oh, how about, “Her husband is really good-looking, but she’s not as happy in her marriage as I am.”

Or, we look to them and we put ourselves down, “They look great, so why should I try.” “I’ll never attain what they have accomplished.” “I’ll never be as good as they are.”  Again, comparison is stunting our growth.

No matter what kind of comparison we are falling into, it is destructive to both the other person and to us and…the other person didn’t even ask to be compared to.  They didn’t ask to be brought down or used as an example. They never wanted to participate in our little game. 

If we are secure and know who we are and where we want to go in life, we may look to others and admire them and perhaps desire to be a bit more like them. This can be healthy, but we need to be careful. Admiration is good. Jealousy is not, and jealousy is usually the root of comparison.   

I don’t care what Jennifer, Mary, Susie, or any Tom, Dick or Harry is doing…I am going to be uniquely me and I am going to walk in confidence by using my talents to the best of my ability. 

Don’t look to others to see what you should be. Don’t try to be like others. Don’t compromise your beliefs to be like others, and don’t compare yourself to others.

 Be yourself…everyone else is taken!

In what areas of your life do you find you compare yourself to others? Was this blog helpful? How? Comment below by filling in your name, writing a comment, and hitting “post.” Start the conversation.

I’ll see you in two weeks when we talk about “Comparison is Not Vision.” Woohoo!